you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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