So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
