Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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