Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
