If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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