you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
