I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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