so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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