then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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