I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
