Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
