I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
