Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
