You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
