In the future we'll all be gay
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
