I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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