This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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