I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
