you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize