do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
