Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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