I got chris browned last night
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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