ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
