I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
