As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
