Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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