yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I can text with my tongue
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When are your genitals available?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
