Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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