Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
