dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This is the high leading the old right now
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
