Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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