I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
