How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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