Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
