I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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