he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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