Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize