So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
