dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
