Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
