And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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