The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
