Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
