...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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