I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
