Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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