it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I think i got beer on your cat.
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