Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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