he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
