You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just googled if crying burns calories
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
