I can tuck mytits in my pants
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
