id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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