If i come over, it means nothing
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
