Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
