i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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