Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
