we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
