she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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