my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
