i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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