okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
