I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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