fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
But theres a keg here and me gusta
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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