I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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