I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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