You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
