Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
