she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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